Keldeo the Critic- APRIL FOOLS JOKE
by Matthais Unidostres
Summary: Keldeo is BACK! And this time he's widening his scope of fanfic reviews. He doesn't just review Pokemon fanfics. Now, he reviews all kinds from all categories! Fanfic readers and writers across the site, be ready 4 the best season ever!


**_BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

_**He's The Keldeo Critic!**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

_**He reads it so you don't have to!**_

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

_**He's The Keldeo Critic!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERCLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

_**So much to see and do!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

_**For the FanFics he reviews!**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

**_He's so awesome and sick!_**

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

_**He's The Keldeo Critic!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

**Keldeo the Critic- Season FOUR!**

**Episode One**

**Swiper and the NutCracker Rescue**

**By: badboylover24**

"Hel-lo, I'm the Keldeo Critic. I read it so you don't have to. This review is gonna be a little . . . different . . ."

* * *

**Swiper and the NutCracker Rescue**

_By: badboylover24_

This is a _**Dora the Explorer** _version of the NutCracker I've created for my niece, who has just celebrated her third Christmas. Swiper, Dora, and Boots must save the Sugar Plum Fairy from the Mouse King, and Swiper looks for a Secret Santa gift for Isa.

Rated: Fiction K - English - Family/Fantasy - Chapters: 11 - Words: 9,369 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Updated: Oct 7, 2011 - Published: Dec 25, 2010 - Status: Complete - id: 6590549

* * *

"I know it's not a Pokemon Fanfic, but I've decided to review fanfics from any series, not just Pokemon. Okay, then, here we go!"

"This is _Swiper and the NutCracker Rescue_!"

. . . . .

. . . . .

. . . . .

. . . . .

. . . . .

. . . . .

_1 (18.25-ounce) package chocolate cake mix_

_1 can prepared coconut–pecan frosting_

_3/4 cup vegetable oil_

_4 large eggs_

_1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips_

_3/4 cup butter or margarine_

_1 2/3 cup granulated sugar_

_2 cups all-purpose flour_

_Don't forget garnishes such as:_

_Fish-shaped crackers_

_Fish-shaped candies_

_Fish-shaped solid waste_

_Fish-shaped dirt_

_Fish-shaped ethylbenzene_

_Pull-and-peel licorice_

_Fish-shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment-shaped sediment_

_Candy-coated peanut butter pieces (shaped like fish)_

_1 cup lemon juice_

_Alpha resins_

_Unsaturated polyester resin_

_Fiberglass surface resins and volatile malted milk impoundments_

_9 large egg yolks_

_12 medium geosynthetic membranes_

_1 cup granulated sugar_

_An entry called: "How to Kill Someone with Your Bare Hands"_

_2 cups rhubarb, sliced_

_2/3 cups granulated rhubarb_

_1 tbsp. all-purpose rhubarb_

_1 tsp. grated orange rhubarb_

_3 tbsp. rhubarb, on fire_

_1 large rhubarb_

_1 cross borehole electromagnetic imaging rhubarb_

_2 tbsp. rhubarb juice_

_Adjustable aluminum head positioner_

_Slaughter electric needle injector_

_Cordless electric needle injector_

_Injector needle driver_

_Injector needle gun_

_Cranial caps_

_And it contains proven preservatives, deep-penetration agents, and gas- and odor-control chemicals that will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue._

* * *

_Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis._

_In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself._

_The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats._

_In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event._

_The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general_

_Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge._

_Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed._

_The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way._

_Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird._

_In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning._

_William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts._

_It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize'._

_The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands._

_The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison._

_The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering._

_Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium._

_Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks._

_During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice._

_Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve._

_Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens._

_Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava._

_Error. Error. Error. File not found._

_Error. Error. Error. Fact not found._

_Fact not found._

_Warning, sphere corruption at twenty- rats cannot throw up._

* * *

Rubble sat staring at the credits to the latest episode of Apollo the Superpup, apparently in deep though.

"What awe you thinking about, Wubble?" Zuma asked curiously.

"I was just wondering how Everest got to the frozen tundra in the first place," Rubble replied, "I mean, how does a pup end up in the middle of nowhere living all alone? It just sounds so weird."

Zuma though for a moment, then grinned, "Ooooh! I think I know!"

"Really?" Rubble said as the other four pups gathered around closer as well.

"Yup!"

"Well then, what do you think happened?" Rubble said, speaking for all the other pups.

"Well, Wubble, I think the stowy should stawt like this . . ."

* * *

Out in the frozen tundra stood a research outpost. It stood all by itself, nothing else around for miles. Only penguins visited the residents of this outpost in between supply drop offs. Research went on slowly and quietly in this outpost. That is, until the disaster happened.

In the blink of an eye, in a flash of light, in a burst of heat; the entire complex was vaporized in a massive explosion. Debris fell down in silence for miles around. The site seemed devoid of all life. That is, until a small Siberian Husky pup dug herself out of a metal rectangular shaped container that was buried in the snow. She looked around in fear and confusion at the nothingness all around her. The sky was pitch black. It was total darkness.

Little Everest shook the snow out of her fur as she rose to her paws. She had nothing but a wool hat and a black collar with no tag. What's worse, she didn't even have her memories. She remember who she was, and various skills vital to survival in the frozen tundra. She even remembered her life before she came to this frozen wasteland. But the memories of the past month were completely blank.

Everest turned to one side and saw what appeared to be the epicenter of the blast.

"Maybe . . ." she said quietly, "If I look around . . . I'll find out what happened here, and why."

And so, little Everest took shaky steps to the center of the explosion, where the research center once stood.

_"I can't remember_  
_What happened in September_  
_When everything is gone_  
_When it's dark and I'm alone_

_It's been forever_  
_Since I could have remembered_  
_Where the hell is everybody_  
_I just want to know the story_  
_Of what happened right before_  
_I became so alone."_

Everest stopped to look at the shrapnel sicking out of the icy ground around her. She shuddered as she though of what must have happened to the scientists when the explosion occurred. She stopped and looked herself over.

"I'm . . . fine?" she said in confusion. Then she remember the metal chamber she crawled out of. "But how'd I get in there? Did someone save me?" Everest's eyes grew harsh as she realized something, "Someone must have done this on purpose."

Everest continued to walk towards the center of the destroyed outpost.

_"Still can't remember_  
_What happened in September_  
_Back when everbody died_  
_Trails of blood during my stride_

_I just discovered that_  
_the humans were defeated_  
_by something really strong_  
_it seemed very weird and wrong_  
_it just doesn't belong_  
_like it came out of this world."_

"Maybe it was aliens? No, that's silly. Other humans? But who? We're not at war with anyone now. It's peace time. Maybe it has to do with what the humans were researching? but what could have-?"

Everest froze dead in her tracks when she the body of a man half buried in the snow, looking as if he had been knocked over and was trying to get away from something.

Her eyes widened as a scene played out in her head.

* * *

_Everest was tied to a metal pipe by a rope leash. She was in a room, and the door was locked. There was the sound of people on the other side trying to get in, hammering hard at the heavy metal door. In the room with Everest was a man inside a rectangular metal chamber with two sliding doors on either side of it. The chamber had a control panel with a bunch of dials and gauges on it. In the center was glowing red button._

_The man at the controls was breathing heavily and chuckling dementedly as he stared down at the controls with a mad look in his eye. "Finally . . ." he said, "Finally it's done! He-he-he. It's finally done! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"_

_"Stop him!" Everest shouted, "He's trying to kill us all! Stop him!"_

_"NO!" the madman shouted as he turned to glare at Everest through the left door of the metal chamber, "No, I'm going to save you. I'm going to save you all! Don't you try and stop me!"_

* * *

Everest recognized the body instantly. The chamber she woke up in, the man in front of her, it was all slowly adding up.

_"I've regained a small memory_  
_Came to my head just like that suddenly_  
_I think I've gotten a clue_  
_Something tells me this is worse than what I knew."_

* * *

_"Finally . . . this is your redemption day everybody! GO AWAY FROM ME! Stay away from me! Go away- ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! You can't touch me now!"_

_The man smiled mockingly at Everest as he held a finger over the red button on the control panel. "You see this button here? I'm gonna press it-!"_

_"NOOOO!" Everest howled as she suddenly found strength she never knew she had. She broke the leash and pounced through the air and through one of the chamber doors._

_Everest slammed into the madman and knocked him out of the chamber. However, after she collided with the man, she fell sideways onto the button. The chamber doors slammed shut tightly. The mad man started to crawl away, but it was futile. The blast sent the chamber, with Everest inside, high into the air. The pup quickly blacked out as this happened. When it came back to earth and slammed into the snow, one of the hatches opened, allowing snow to fall in, waiting to be pushed out when Everest awoke later on._

* * *

_". . . . ."_

_"I just remembered_  
_What happened in September_  
_I'm the one who killed them all_  
_I survived after the fall."_

* * *

All the pups stared at Zuma with their mouths hanging open.

Zuma smiled sheepishly, "Hey! It's just a theowy!"

* * *

_**Cheek Stag Otter makes a splash!**_

**Meele**

**Standard: **Punch

**Up: **Sling swing

**Side: **Javelin thrust

**Down: **Rudder slap/sweep

**Specials**

**Standard: **Rudder uppercut- do a little flip and toss opponent up into the air.

**Up: **High backlfip- perform a very high backflip in a backwards arc.

**Side: **Belly slide- slide forward, colliding with any fighters in the way. Turn to drift and launch opponents.

**Down: **Vittle scoff- A big bite that makes food heal more damage. Can be used the bit opponents. The higher the KO Potential, the more damage it does. Does not work on non-food items.

**Final Smash:**

**Piranha River: **The stage floods with water for 45 seconds and piranhas attack the other fighters. Cheek can swim freely around the stage to eat piranha's to heal damage and gain attack and launching power after the water drains out of the stage.

**Taunts:**

**Up: **"Cheek Stag Otter, doncha know!" smiles at camera and makes an elegant leg.

**Side: **"On me affidavit!" salutes with javelin.

**Down: **"I'm hungry," looks up with fore-paws on his stomach.

* * *

_**HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!**_

* * *

"Hello everyone! This is the Aura Sphere Riolu from the story _Family of Four._ I hope you liked the little joke. I want to reward you for going through all the random nonsense and reading all the way down to the end. I'm gonna give you a bit of information regarding Episode 2 of Season 1 of _Keldeo and the Swords of Justice, Furry Frustration. _You might have been wondering where I was during that episode. Well, I was off training with a secret clan of Steel-types. I had trained and learned a lot from my father, and he wanted me to expand my knowledge by training with another master of a different style. It's a long story, a story best saved for another time. Well, I enjoyed talking with you, and I hope you all have a wonderful Spring! Bye!"


End file.
